Why do I feel guilty when I shouldn’t?

Last night I was having a chat with a very good friend, about a certain event that was the speech of the moment and involves another person, whom I like a lot.

I was really exhausted, out of working to much at the Fair, but it is a subject that interests me a lot, so I just carried on the conversation, anyhow while I was chatting with my friend I mistakenly accused one of her friends to be gossipy, at that moment, I didn’t thing I did the most horrible thing on earth, but she just blocked and didn’t want to talk anymore. She didn’t even react to my apology, which is not normal, me and her are so much similar, we react very well to apologies.

She ended the conversation saying we will talk tomorrow, well today is tomorrow.
I will talk it over with her, I am sure everything will be all right, but still I don’t know why I feel so bad and guilty?!

ups and downs !!!

I don’t know why I feel like this but imagine this:

I use to be in love with a man that didn’t give me anything, I was doing all the sacrifices and make all the compromising, until one day he went away to his home country and then we tried to work out a long distance relationship, until it is my turn to go join him. I was all excited and happy that we will get married, I was trying to take care of my health; working out every morning to shape my body and be wedding dress proof, the surprise came 2 months after he left, he started acting weird and talking strange, I know it when something is not right, so I asked him if something was wrong and for a while he said nothing is wrong and that it is all work stress, but still things didn’t seem right, until one day I just got angry and told him that I know; I know something is going on and I asked the classical question, “ did you meet someone?” and he said yes but he is not in love with her, he just slept with her, I tried to give myself all the excuses ever to forgive him, I was devastated and felt awful, and I just couldn’t handle it and I left him, he accused me of being cold and not worthy. Maybe he is right!!

At the time I was with him, I actually found my dream job, I was employed by a company that had a lot to offer me, good job, good salary and lots of good experience, and within my devastation I tried to keep myself together, so one person who worked with me was being a friend and stood closer to me, “P” made me feel worthy again, and gave me all the friend support, he was there to give a hug when I needed and was there when I needed advice, even just to sit and talk, I don’t know maybe the loneliness or the need of closeness, that made me feel something for him, but I started to want him so bad. He had everything that I ever wanted in a man, but he was still the wrong man, he calls me special and he says “I love you” every time we talk, I maybe knew it is just a good friends love what he meant, but it had something stronger than that. and because he had a family; two wonderful children and a wife, he couldn’t allow himself more, as a person who gives compromises, I was ready to settle for the good friend position, but the time came for him to say goodbye as well, he said that we were friends and connected forever. I miss him so much today after 2 months even if we meet online almost every day. but he started to take me for granted and not paying attention anymore, I wish one day he comes looking for me, although he never did, I was the one who always went looking for him.

Today, one lady that always acts like she hated “P” and who also knew that I loved him, calls me to say that she will be travelling and then asked me if I knew where she was going, not knowing I obviously said NO and she said she is going where he is today, and asked me if I wanted to send him something, I said “ No, just give him a hug for me” , I am not even sure I was supposed to do that. It hurts so much and I don’t even know why?
Why I never get what I want, my love life sucks and it is effecting everything.

MB

Let’s have a round of applause….!!!!

Once upon a time, not long ago, our restaurant responsible, who is a Spanish guy called Javier
, decided to surprise our company receptionist, who is a guy called Marwan with something Marwan would’ve never expected, AN APPLAUSE, Javier started clapping and shouting out his name in the middle of the restaurant while everybody was having lunch, and not long after every single person started clapping, screaming and whistling. For no reason at all, saying Marwan\m/Marwan\m/Marwan… oh my god !! it was so funny and kinda lift every bodies mood up.

This thing became the lunch hour tradition, every day there is a new victim lol, and people started to come for lunch early so they won’t get the round of applause lol

I wonder whose turn is tomorrow, I HOPE IS NOT ME !!!

Bjos

Fabio..!!

A kind creature usually called by friends and family “ Tin Tin”, that feeds himself with protein shakes, doesn’t taste or smell food because of some nasal dysfunction, calls soups by color, most liked activities are sports and photography, spoken languages are ahaa and porra, happy most of the time, helps everyone and has the superman syndrome.

Lol, Fabio, ohhh Fabio, actually he is the sports instructor at the Health club of our Company, I have never seen in my life such a patient person, listens carefully, cares and says the cutest things, I remember when he first joined the company, everyone was expecting a huge body built guy, perhaps bold and snobbish, but he had a small well maintained body and a very very big heart, he mixed with the crazy crowd, Luca and compagnia bella (nice people), I think he is getting crazy as well. One of the many skills that Fabio has is photography, wow people, the pictures he takes always tell a story, but I always wondered why someone that takes such wonderful picture always sticks his tongue out when he has his pictures taken, I am not sure what is he trying to do?!?! Looking ugly or just having his own signature. Mahhh.

The bottom-line is that he is one of my best friends and would never trade his friendship with anything in this world.

Te Amo Fabião

10 things that make me happy!!!

this is an idea that i had from an other pal blogger: Mr. AS THE WORLD CHANGES.
10 things that make me happy:
1- My 2 little twin sisters
2- A full strong hug.
3- A smile in a kid’s face.
4- Corner meetings with Babi.
5- Being called Bonitihna by Renatão.
6- The sweet little things André does.
7- Being mentored by Omar.
8- Being asked for advice.
9- Laughing out loud.
10- Coffee.

Medical Mystery !!!

I have a story to tell, and a point to make, on February 27th 2010, my sister suffered from pregnancy high blood pressure, that caused her to louse conscience and start having seizures, biting her tongue and rolling back her eyes, a scene that I wouldn’t wish to anyone, and since she lives in Ben Ashore Area we decided to take her to the nearest Clinic; Al-Mukhtar, at 08 in the morning upon arrival to the clinic, no one was at the ER “ God only knows where the staff that gets paid to provide care at the ER were?” anyhow; after the scream of desperation of my sisters father in law, some showed up and took my sister straight to ICU, were she stood until the surgery time, where they had to deliver a pre-mature baby girl, to save my sisters life. (I consulted a good number of Doctors on the matter and they confirmed that it was the right thing to do in these cases to ensure the safety of the Mother, and I have no negative comments on the subject), now while my sister was in coma and her body was puffed up, she looked so different and pale, they (AKA ICU staff) said that inserting the needle of the serum in her neck will be better than the arm, and will have a faster effect which means a good thing, and who are we to question Doctors orders, so we didn’t comment, they know better!!!
Now within the same time we had in that clinic 2 family members ( my sister and her premature little daughter ): Case # 1 was under observation at the ICU. Case # 2 was also in the infants ICU, she was so small and very premature, but alive, the Doctor suggested that we give the baby 2 shots of some kinda hormonal serum to help the growth of her organs, which we did!! But they gave us no guaranties on the survival of the baby, (I also consulted a good number of Doctors on the matter, and they all told me that premature babies do survive in such kind of cases but with an intensive care and a long treatment schedule, and they treated a lot of other similar cases and they are grown up and some are married today). ICU, most of the people who have a non medical background will imagine an Intensive Care Unit to be extremely Sterilizer, Clean, Quite with sliding doors that make no sound and that include also the people who go in that unit.
Of course most of the people living in Tripoli know how this clinic look like from the inside, it’s an old Ex-residential building transformed into a privet clinic, bedrooms transformed into check-up rooms, other rooms transformed into ICUs’, wooden old doors and very unmaintained bathrooms, the sounds of the slams of the wooden doors can actually scare you in your standard, regular healthy day, imagine if you were sick, in pain and in a coma, or even worst a premature baby that just came into this world, well let’s say that the slamming of the doors was the smaller, digestible part of the worst, of course the baby needed to stay in an incubator, I researched this medical device online and what I found is that “ These plastic boxes keep baby warm in one of two ways: They may be set to stay at a certain temperature, or a probe that monitors the baby’s temperature may be connected to the incubator to heat or cool the air as needed. Incubators also protect premature babies from infection, noise, and light, and may provide humidified air to maintain skin integrity in very premature babies”, ok now that was very informative, because our baby was in an incubator that had 2 holes on one of the sides which were supposed to have gloves on the inner end of the box, but of course because this Clinic had the only incubator in Libya as stated by the Administration, it had to be malfunctioned, one the 3 day of life of this baby, the Doctor on shift asked for blood plasma for the baby, who blood type was A+ like her Daddy, now; why do you think they needed the plasma?I researched and researched for so long and the reasons might be one million but just know that plasma contains antibodies and antitoxins, antibody, which are used against the introduction of a bacterial poison, or toxin. The bottom-line is that the baby died that same day.
The staff; I had not seen most of the Doctors but as pretended by the Administration they are all high qualified Doctors, holders of the highest Degrees from the highest Institutions in Europe and US, ok I won’t disagree, but the Nurses, or who were once called “ Malaykat Al-Rahma” Angels of Mercy, in my 28 years of life and with the 4 surgeries I had, I have never seen this amount of nurses in one clinic, and the quality of their work, that was fantastically impressive, the patient room bells rang so many times till I personally wanted to go check on the patient who was ringing for help, but the fully dressed with lots and lots of make-up Nurses were too busy chatting and eating, and not willing to have a one minute break from the busy chat to take care of their duties.
During my childhood, one of my dreams was to be a Nurse, but the basis of this dream were different, I wanted to help others, and be able to relief them from their pain, but then I changed my path because I didn’t have a steady hand, and that would’ve been dangerous, but the most important thing is that I wanted to do it because it is a humanitarian profession, based on the pure wish of helping the next. Well this is not the case at Al-Mukhtar Clinic, the Nurses wanted to do something they like while getting paid, (being with their likes, chatting, eating, wearing scrubs and putting 5kg of make-up on their faces), God Bless Them!!!
Remember that needle in my sisters neck, it was inserted by one of those fabulous Nurses, after the relies of my sister and the payment of a total Amount of 8,000 LYD for 5 days of Lousy Medical service, my sister started to feel a strong pain in her neck accompanied nausea and high temperature, Nice isn’t it? Now guess what she had? AN INFECTION AND BLOOD CLOTS, What would you do in this case? I know go back to the clinic and ask the Doctor about the causes, which we did, and the cause was as we all expected. (and we are not holders of ant Medical Background what so ever). the Doctor again asked her to stay in for the night under observation which ended up to be one whole week of treatment with Heparin, with such an ugly mistake by a health care provider, the reasonable and ethical thing to do, to make-up for the mistake done by my own employees is ?! “ NOT TO CHARGE” , but yet again we paid 2,000 LYD, after leaving the Clinic my sister had to continue a treatment prescribed by the Doctor, and we are still fine with that this treatment costs from 2.500LYD to 3.500 depending on the Pharmacy, “ yeah that does sound cheap” and again we are fine with the 6 moths treatment, but the funny thing happened yesterday, when my sister went to buy that same mendicant form the pharmacy of that same Clinic, and was shocked when the pharmacist told her that it costs 10 Dinars and not the 2.500 or 3.500, Ladies & Gentlemen, what a scam?
Be aware,
MB

The Real Meaning of Things.....!!!

The human being is the most complex creature in terms of emotions, it is fascinating how the brain sends out so many emotions towards someone or something, according to the facts surrounding, image, shape, taste, sound and feeling are all facts that can affect our opinion, and drive us to have an emotional reaction.

Let’s take Love as an example; an emotional feeling that can be toward a person or an object, to which we can be attached to unconditionally and call them beloved, why is so? Love doesn’t develop clearly until we reach our mature age, and are able to give opinions and judgments on the subject, most of the time we develop an emotional feeling for something that was there since our early childhood age, or it was pound on us; where there was no freedom of choice, so we grow getting used to it and translate that into love, as an adult emotions are what we use to fill the holes in our feelings and most of the time those holes were created be feelings in themselves, like a child that was sexually abused that grows with the tendency to be abused and call it love.

LOVE the good love; the love that can be translated as a condition or phenomenon of emotional primacy, or absolute value. Love includes an emotion of intense attraction to another person. This Love is commonly considered impossible to define. but at the same time very hard to resist, especially when you have to deal with the person that you spent most of your life looking for, the one that fits the divine profile of your dreams, in my case love is about the simple things; it’s about caring, with a look in the beautiful gray eyes of the one I love, a touch of his hands a hug that emanates warmth and for a moment he makes you feel safe from all kind of harm. Oh gosh I think I am in love with someone that will never be mine. Is it platonic love? Platonic love in its modern popular sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. A simple example of platonic relationships is friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.At the same time, this interpretation is a misunderstanding of the nature of the Platonic Idea of love, which from its origin was that of a pure but passionate love, based not on uninterested but virtuous restraint.

but it is still real....