The RUN !!

Big building, long dark streets, no one is around, the wind is blowing in my ears and I am walking, I am walking and I can’t really remember when I started my journey or for how long I have been in it, my mind is blurry and my eyes are burning, I look at my hands, I can see they are shaking, I take a deep breath and think, it is almost over, but the truth is another, I still have a long way to go, the thought takes me over and I start panicking, my heart start beating fast I can almost feel it jumping out of my chest, and all of a sudden I stop, I can’t think, I can’t talk, I am losing my breath, I can’t feel my body, it is all numb, there is a voice in my head, I can hear it, it is mine, I am talking to myself, am I going crazy, or am I dead? why I am not moving? Where is everybody? Why am I alone? And then; all sweating I woke-up” hoff; it was just a dream I say, or WAS IT?

It is life. Life became a whole run after something, something! I come to think, what is life about? is it about family? Is it about career? Is it about dreams of concurring the world? Is it about doing what you love? But what is really what you love? Do you like the words you write? Do you like the clothes you wear? Do you like the food you fix? The car you drive? Or the man you are with? What is life all about? I wasted to much thinking wrong, It is not about what I want? It is about what makes me happy, I just want to be happy.
My analyses of happiness starts today, I will no longer let myself drown, I will pursue happiness in all its forms, it is my turn to put down the rules.

Babes

We never know how lucky we are, to have someone beside, until this person is gone, yesterday was hard to say goodbye to someone that was a great friend and a sure even greater work partner.

We never knew how we became this close and we never know when it all started, it is funny how destiny make things happen and never gives you a reason why, like an invisible character that has a small part in a movie, that can change the whole carrying out of the events. In my life destiny gave birth to long lasting human relations in which I found myself incapable of making a change, on the opposite I was the victim of the change, in my experience with Barbara, who is a young free spirit, a smile that says a thousand words, big eyes that sparkled with humanity, and a brain that is programmed with the divine obligation of answering all the questions that the world drops on her path, with her you can’t see the physical imperfections, because her soul is simply perfect, I was able to see my own reflection in her, it was good to share ideas, thoughts and information, it fills me with pride that she is a part of my “ things that make me happy list”, she always gives and never expect payback, she turned off the fire in me when I was just to mad to see, she gave me a hug when I just needed someone to comfort me, she laughed about my crazy ideas, and she set calmly next to me when I just didn’t feel like talking, she was honest to me when I was just lying to myself, she was my honored adviser every time I came to her with a new crush, she saw my potentials when I couldn’t see it myself, she was just there every time I needed her, but Now she is gone.

Yes; she is gone physically and I know why? She gave her everything to survive as long as she did, I know she misses the simplicity of what she didn’t find her, the comfort of home, a bear with friends and mostly her Mom, with the brain and soul she has, she can find a great future anywhere she wishes to go, but what I know for sure is that we will meet again, since we are both citizens of this world, our paths will cross one day, she is good in keeping long distance friendship, but only the great strong bonds survive, and we both have that one.

It is only a chapter (1) the future will have a saying in it, let’s just wait and hope.

Dedicated to Babi.